Active Listening: A Quick Guide to Turning Tension into Performance

“I just want to be heard.”

Those six words resonate with every person on the planet, yet so many leaders ignore this universal need. Toxic leaders go further, actively shutting down feedback. Disengagement, low productivity, and turnover result. And, of course, these leaders miss out on operating improvements, new product ideas, and morale boosters from staff which could significantly boost the bottom line.

According to our podcast guest Michael Morrow-Fox, a leadership consultant, the solution is simple, though not easy: conversational receptiveness. The practice has several elements, but the starting point is active listening. That step alone works wonders.

How Can I Actively Listen?

To be blunt: shut up. Seems simple enough, but it’s difficult to do without practice. In normal conversation, our minds are running a mile a minute when others speak: judging what they’re saying, jumping to a conclusion, thinking about what we want to say, and even daydreaming if the other person is a bit long-winded.

Though quieting our inner voice to focus on our teammate’s voice may be hard, it’s easier if you enter the conversation remembering your intent: active listening means you’re listening to understand, not to respond. Each time your mind drifts, bring your focus back to the person speaking. It helps to keep your eyes engaged with theirs; this not only keeps your attention on them but provides a subconscious “body language” signal to them that they’re being heard.

On a conscious level, reinforce that signal by paraphrasing each major point after they make it. “Just to clarify, you’re concerned that…” will do. This demonstrates you’ve been listening and has the added benefit of letting them restate the point if you didn’t quite understand.

When all their points are expressed, summarize the conversation. Then offer a reflection on it all: “So X, Y, and Z have all been happening. I wonder if…” or even “Hmmm; that’s a perspective I’d not realized. May we break for a bit so I can think about this a little deeper?”

You may not have an answer, immediately or after pondering. But the other person now knows they’ve been heard, and are respected. You’ve expressed understanding, and even though you may not have an agreement, your simple act of validation will reduce defensiveness when your decision comes.

Why?

Because they know they’ve been heard.

From new ideas to opposing viewpoints, people everywhere need to know their voices count. We can help. Our ILI team has over half a century of collective in-the-field experience with effective communication for leaders. From coaching to courses, we can share that wisdom with you. E-mail us at inquiries@innovativeleadership.com to learn more.

This article was adapted by Dan Mushalko from our podcast episode Let’s Talk: Four Steps to Bridging Workplace, Political, and Family Disagreements.

Thank you for reading our newsletter, where we bring you thought leaders and innovative ideas on leadership topics each week.

We strive to elevate the quality of leadership worldwide. Are you ready? If you are looking for help developing your leaders, explore our services.